Silliness Terrible Jokes

ownedbycats · 05-19-2023, 11:16 AM

A man walks into an Indian restaurant. Before he makes an order, the waiter gives him a form to sign.

The only thing on the form is a sentence saying "We have naan at this restaurant."

The man asks why he needed to sign this.

Impatiently, the waiter replies "Just sign the naan disclosure agreement and we can move on."

ownedbycats · 05-19-2023, 11:18 AM

I asked the librarian if there was a book about Pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat.

They said it rang a bell, but they weren't sure if it was there or not.

DNSB · 05-19-2023, 02:26 PM

I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes.

Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.

Sirtel · 05-19-2023, 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DNSB

I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes.

Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.

Those evil, insidious home appliances! I wonder if they have a secret plan to destroy humans and take over the world...

ownedbycats · 05-19-2023, 09:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DNSB

I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes.

Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.

Yes, but is the fridge also responsible for missing socks?

DNSB · 05-20-2023, 03:39 AM

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Elly.
Elly who?
Elly-mentary, my dear Watson!

fum · 05-22-2023, 07:19 AM

How many does it take to circumcise a whale?
Four skin divers.

DNSB · 05-22-2023, 06:03 PM

Two men are hiking through the woods when one of them cries out, “Snake! Run!” His companion laughs at him. “Oh, relax. It’s only a baby,” he says. “Don’t you hear the rattle?”

ownedbycats · 05-27-2023, 04:00 AM

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers. Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done. Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.

DNSB · 05-27-2023, 01:53 PM

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

ownedbycats · 05-28-2023, 12:59 AM

A pastor, an imam, and a rabbit decide to donate blood.

The pastor comes out and says, "They tested it and told me I’m A positive."

The imam follows up with, "Interesting! I found out I’m AB negative."

The rabbit looks at the two of them and says, "Pretty sure I’m a type O."

DNSB · 05-28-2023, 04:38 PM

The cable repairman was on my street and asked me what time it was. I told him it is between 8 am and 1 pm.

ownedbycats · 06-02-2023, 12:11 AM

A Möbius strip walks into a bar, sobbing.

The bartender asks, "What’s wrong, buddy?"

The Möbius strip replies, "Where do I even begin?"

DNSB · 06-02-2023, 12:17 AM

The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”

A time traveler walks into a bar.

ownedbycats · 06-02-2023, 07:03 AM

A guy tried to tell me about a tool that makes holes in hard materials, but I stopped him. I know the drill.

05-19-2023, 11:16 AM	#1
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 9,581 Karma: 65099765 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	Terrible Jokes A man walks into an Indian restaurant. Before he makes an order, the waiter gives him a form to sign. The only thing on the form is a sentence saying "We have naan at this restaurant." The man asks why he needed to sign this. Impatiently, the waiter replies "Just sign the naan disclosure agreement and we can move on."

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05-19-2023, 11:18 AM	#2
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 9,581 Karma: 65099765 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	I asked the librarian if there was a book about Pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat. They said it rang a bell, but they weren't sure if it was there or not.

05-19-2023, 02:26 PM	#3
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 40,631 Karma: 157444382 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.

05-20-2023, 03:39 AM	#6
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 40,631 Karma: 157444382 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Knock, knock. Who’s there? Elly. Elly who? Elly-mentary, my dear Watson!

05-22-2023, 07:19 AM	#7
fum Zealot Posts: 119 Karma: 728454 Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Århus, Denmark Device: PWII	How many does it take to circumcise a whale? Four skin divers.

05-22-2023, 06:03 PM	#8
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 40,631 Karma: 157444382 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Two men are hiking through the woods when one of them cries out, “Snake! Run!” His companion laughs at him. “Oh, relax. It’s only a baby,” he says. “Don’t you hear the rattle?”

05-27-2023, 04:00 AM	#9
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 9,581 Karma: 65099765 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers. Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done. Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.

05-27-2023, 01:53 PM	#10
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 40,631 Karma: 157444382 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. “I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?” The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

05-28-2023, 12:59 AM	#11
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 9,581 Karma: 65099765 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	A pastor, an imam, and a rabbit decide to donate blood. The pastor comes out and says, "They tested it and told me I’m A positive." The imam follows up with, "Interesting! I found out I’m AB negative." The rabbit looks at the two of them and says, "Pretty sure I’m a type O."

05-28-2023, 04:38 PM	#12
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 40,631 Karma: 157444382 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	The cable repairman was on my street and asked me what time it was. I told him it is between 8 am and 1 pm.

06-02-2023, 12:11 AM	#13
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 9,581 Karma: 65099765 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	A Möbius strip walks into a bar, sobbing. The bartender asks, "What’s wrong, buddy?" The Möbius strip replies, "Where do I even begin?"

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06-02-2023, 12:17 AM	#14
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 40,631 Karma: 157444382 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.” A time traveler walks into a bar.

06-02-2023, 07:03 AM	#15
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 9,581 Karma: 65099765 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	A guy tried to tell me about a tool that makes holes in hard materials, but I stopped him. I know the drill.