Unutterably Silly Old Bad Computer/Computer Programming Jokes

[Freeshadow]

Do you really think it comes to a date if the 1st line says shebang?

[MJK2111]

A computer salesman, a software engineer, and a field service engineer take a customer out to lunch. As the customer is driving to the restaurant, he gets a flat tire and pulls to the side of the road.
The salesman presents him with a quote for a new set of tires, the software engineer claims that the tire will be fixed in the next release, and the field engineer proceeds to change tires until he finds the one that is flat...

[DMcCunney]

Q: What's the difference between a computer salesman and a used car salesman?

A: The used car salesman knows he's lying.
______
Dennis

[Falcao]

Computer terms

1. My girlfriend left me - I got kicked out from the server
2. My girlfriend left me for another guy - My account was pirated
3. I have many girlfriends - Multitasking
4. I'm constipated - High output impedance
5. I have diarrhea - Low output impedance
6. I forgot to pick-up you - Memory Failed / Low Memory
7. She doesn't answer the phone - Bad Login, Access Denied
8. She told me yes! - Compilation Successful
9. I said something that she didn't liked - Compilation Error!
10. I'm feed-up of this relationship - Do you want to exit? (y/n)
11. Are you pregnant? - Fatal error while linking!
12. Do you want to get back together? - Do you want to continue?(y/n)
13. Are you leaving me for another guy? - Do you want to change process?
14. Today is our anniversary - Process still running
15. I don't understand her - Error in track 0
16. We are breaking-up - System Crashed, Restart?(y/n)
17. She already forget me - File Deleted
18. We can start over again - Ctrl-Alt-Del, Reset, FORMAT C:/
19. I caught a cold! - A virus has been found in the system!
20. Do you want to be my girlfriend? - Do you want to install system?
21. Do you want to marry me? - ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DELETE LIBERTY.EXE? (yes/no)
22. She is getting difficult - Can't open file
23. Let see my little black book - Dir C:/
24. I'm eating - Uploading
25. I went to the W.C. - Downloading
26. I'm in the mood - Upsizing
27. Not today, I've a headache - Downsizing
28. Subway (the tube, metro train) - Serial Bus
29. Viagra - Power Source!
30. Nice body! - Nice case/cabinet!
31. Cheerleader - Too much hardware, too few software
32. Nerdy girl - Too much software, too few hardware
33. Drunk driver - Semiconductor
34. Change of girlfriend - Upgrade
35. Passionate kiss - High voltage peak-to-peak
36. Fainting - System fall
37. Hi! - Handshaking
38. Wass-up? - Acknowledge
39. Women chat - Full duplex
40. Men chat - Half duplex
41. Man-woman chat - Protocol error!
42. Fat - Bandwidth

[Thasaidon]

This thread is like an old Usenet group from about 20 years ago,

[Freeshadow]

Nah where are the ASCII-pinups then?

[PeterT]

Mike Jittlov's "Meriday in the Morning"

Spoiler:

Mike Jittlov's "Meriday in the Morning"

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[Xenophon]

For those of you old enough to remember the ASR-33 Teletype:

"Some girls hug and some girls kiss
And SOME girls like to go like this..."
<UPPERCASE><lowercase><UPPERCASE><lowercase><UPPER CASE><lowercase><UPPERCASE><lowercase><UPPERCASE>< lowercase><UPPERCASE><lowercase> [repeat, ad infinitum]



For this to really make sense, you have to know that uppercase and lowercase were control codes sent over the wire. They caused the teletype to move its printhead UP <for uppercase> or DOWN <for lowercase>, regardless of whether any other characters were sent. So the teletype's print head would make a terrible racket as it went UPdownUPdownUPdown...

Xenophon
(Yes, I'm old enough to remember using an ASR-33. But I was young enough at the time that I didn't get the above joke. )

[pholy]

I don't remember the ASR-33 having lower case (the ones DEC sold anyway); although the ASR-35 did, it cost a lot more.

I was probably older than I should have been when I realised why plugs were always male and sockets always female... It was before the days of RSMA abominations.

Oops, that should be RPSMA abominations

[Xenophon]

Originally Posted by pholy

I don't remember the ASR-33 having lower case (the ones DEC sold anyway); although the ASR-35 did, it cost a lot more.

I was probably older than I should have been when I realised why plugs were always male and sockets always female... It was before the days of RSMA abominations.

The teletype I remember could well have been an ASR-35, rather than a -33. It was in my Dad's office at home when I was 6. I believe that I've mentioned learning to do arithmetic on it (via the Arpanet from University of Utah to a computer at BB&N in the Boston area). So my memory of the specific model number's a bit hazy.

Xenophon
(who really HAS been on the 'net since it consisted of 4 computers, total. That's end systems, not counting IMPs and the like)