Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 540

PeterT · 09-30-2014, 07:56 AM

Ewe.....

Stitchawl · 09-30-2014, 08:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shayne Parkinson

I managed to resist the temptation of that one, Stitchawl.

That's because you are still young. I'm old, and have learned to always give in to temptation. It might not come around a second time.

On the other hand, it might just be because you have more class than I do.

It has been said that I have less culture than yogurt. Several times.

Stitchawl

wodin · 09-30-2014, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

Wouldn't that be 'Baaaa-hhd?

Stitchawl

cromag · 10-01-2014, 02:51 AM

Kind of reminded me of Night of the Lepus (not available on Netflix, as far as I know).

orlok · 10-01-2014, 07:20 AM

"Daddy, can we go to a haunted house this year?"

"What's wrong with the one we live in?"

"WHAT?"

"Goodnight son. Sleep well."

steven522 · 10-01-2014, 10:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shayne Parkinson

Saw this shortly after it came out on DVD. If you like watching horror-comedy type movies then you should like this. It's actually a fairly good blend of science-gone-wrong, animal-uprising, and a truly twisted take on a classic horror monster...

Spoiler:

poohbear_nc · 10-01-2014, 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cromag

Kind of reminded me of Night of the Lepus (not available on Netflix, as far as I know).

but is available on Amazon streaming video ...

Spoiler:

Stitchawl · 10-02-2014, 04:18 AM

On their way to the church to get married, a young Catholic couple were
involved in a fatal car accident.

Being good Catholics the young couple find themselves sitting outside the
Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting, they begin to wonder: could they possibly get married in
Heaven?

When St. Peter finally showed up, they asked him.
St Peter said "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let
me go find out" and he leaves them sitting at the Gate.

After three months, St Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.
"Yes" he informs the couple " I can get you married in Heaven".

"Great!" said the couple "But we were just wondering, what if things don't
work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

"You must be bloody joking" says St. Peter, red-faced with frustration,
slamming his clipboard on the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple".

"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted "It took me three months to find a priest
up here....Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

Stitchawl

Chiron scriba · 10-02-2014, 04:34 AM

MJK2111 · 10-02-2014, 01:13 PM

Read at your own risk...

Spoiler:

Beef stroganoff.

Stitchawl · 10-02-2014, 08:50 PM

The light turned yellow, just in front of him.
He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk,
even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn,
screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection,
dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant,
she heard a tap on her window and looked up
into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.

He took her to the police station where she was searched,
fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.
She was escorted back to the booking desk where
the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake.
You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn,
flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him.
I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker,
the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker,
and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk,
so naturally....I assumed you had stolen the car."

Stitchawl

Chiron scriba · 10-03-2014, 03:48 AM

Can a man be wrong if there is no woman nearby to remark it?

PoP · 10-03-2014, 06:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chiron scriba

Can a man be wrong if there is no woman nearby to remark it?

Not unless he text while dₑriving.

Glorfindel · 10-03-2014, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

The light turned yellow, just in front of him.
He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk,
even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn,
screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection,
dropping her cell phone and makeup.
As she was still in mid-rant,
she heard a tap on her window and looked up
into the face of a very serious police officer.
The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
He took her to the police station where she was searched,
fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.
She was escorted back to the booking desk where
the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake.
You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn,
flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him.
I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker,
the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker,
and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk,
so naturally....I assumed you had stolen the car."
Stitchawl

steven522 · 10-08-2014, 10:04 AM

I now have a new pet leech.
I didn't really want him at first, but he seems to be attached to me.

10-02-2014, 01:13 PM	#8095
MJK2111 FUBAR! Posts: 1,946 Karma: 15018767 Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Woodstock, IL Device: Kindle 3, Samsung Galaxy Note 10.1 S	Read at your own risk... Spoiler: What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef stroganoff.

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Add from the Mobile Read Library?	danwdoo	Calibre	8	12-03-2014 06:03 PM
Good Day Eh!! :-)	Gedvondur	Introduce Yourself	12	07-22-2010 12:16 AM
Classic Is there a way to lighten the background?	rlsamson	Barnes & Noble NOOK	3	06-30-2010 04:56 PM
Read-in-Microsoft-Reader 1.1.3 add-in released	Alexander Turcic	Reading and Management	2	02-20-2006 03:47 AM

09-30-2014, 07:56 AM	#8086
PeterT Grand Sorcerer Posts: 12,467 Karma: 74317826 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Toronto Device: Libra H2O, Libra Colour	Ewe.....

10-01-2014, 02:51 AM	#8089
cromag Surfin the alpha waves ~~ Posts: 24,760 Karma: 459220161 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: New Jersey Device: Jetbook Lite & Mini, Nook STR, Kobo, Hanvon N516, Kindle 2, Androids	Kind of reminded me of Night of the Lepus (not available on Netflix, as far as I know).

10-01-2014, 07:20 AM	#8090
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	"Daddy, can we go to a haunted house this year?" "What's wrong with the one we live in?" "WHAT?" "Goodnight son. Sleep well."

10-02-2014, 04:18 AM	#8093
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	On their way to the church to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. Being good Catholics the young couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter finally showed up, they asked him. St Peter said "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out" and he leaves them sitting at the Gate. After three months, St Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes" he informs the couple " I can get you married in Heaven". "Great!" said the couple "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" "You must be bloody joking" says St. Peter, red-faced with frustration, slamming his clipboard on the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple". "OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted "It took me three months to find a priest up here....Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?" Stitchawl

10-02-2014, 04:34 AM	#8094
Chiron scriba Bücherwurm Posts: 45 Karma: 411210 Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: Munich Device: Pocketbook Touch Lux 3

10-02-2014, 08:50 PM	#8096
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally....I assumed you had stolen the car." Stitchawl

10-03-2014, 03:48 AM	#8097
Chiron scriba Bücherwurm Posts: 45 Karma: 411210 Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: Munich Device: Pocketbook Touch Lux 3	*Can a man be wrong if there is no woman nearby to remark it?*

10-08-2014, 10:04 AM	#8100
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 1,061 Karma: 25222222 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	I now have a new pet leech. I didn't really want him at first, but he seems to be attached to me.