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Old 03-10-2014, 04:46 PM   #61
Katsunami
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Losing 2,000 words from 8,000 might well be possible without changing the meaning and should give you a much more readable story.
B... but... it's epic fantasy. I've already shortened this story 14 complete volumes

Quote:
For example, if the context is right you could further reduce "She hesitated momentarily." to simply "She hesitated."
I don't think that this is possible in this instance. The hesitation is in the middle of an series of actions, and I'd like to convey that this very short hesitation is actually the catalyst to the rest of the story.
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Old 03-10-2014, 04:50 PM   #62
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B... but... it's epic fantasy. I've already shortened this story 14 complete volumes


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Old 03-10-2014, 05:37 PM   #63
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When My Father Died
v1.5

Why not combine contract-guy and south-guy? Maybe south-guy is in town about the contract instead of a "tour."

I don't know why the dark-shadowy figure wants to attack you and your Mom. That scene looks a bit "stuck-on."

Spoiler:
If it's going to be a dream then you should give the reader at least one hint during the story. That way, when they find out at the end, they'll have less reason to feel let down.


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Old 03-10-2014, 07:56 PM   #64
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Uploaded Crisis of Faith, version 1.0, final word count 7,864. Formats are EPUB, AZW3, and PDF, for your convenience.

I hope you like AD&D-type fantasy...

Now and tomorrow I'll start reading the other stories and commenting on them
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Old 03-10-2014, 08:37 PM   #65
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All right! I'm grabbing that now.

BTW I uploaded Annie v1.3. I only added one word.-)
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Old 03-10-2014, 08:38 PM   #66
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Scrap. I already found a spelling mistake caused by the spell checker.

It turned "Scrying mirror" into "Crying Mirror." Damnation.

edit: Version 1.1 uploaded. Fixed a few spelling mistakes. I'm removing the EPUB/AZW3 versions; I am feeling that these cost too much work to keep updated for each little change.
Last edited by Katsunami; 03-10-2014 at 08:49 PM.
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Old 03-10-2014, 11:07 PM   #67
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I find I like reading PDFs. In presentation mode.
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Old 03-10-2014, 11:16 PM   #68
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This is horrible. With every read, I'm finding more spelling mistakes. I wonder if LibreOffice has AutoComplete, fracking up my typing without me seeing it.

Also...

Spoiler:
Should I give the country, the village, the order, the temple, the clearing and the graveyard names? It would make the story longer, probably crossing 8K words.
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Old 03-10-2014, 11:16 PM   #69
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Originally Posted by arjaybe View Post
v1.5

Spoiler:
If it's going to be a dream then you should give the reader at least one hint during the story. That way, when they find out at the end, they'll have less reason to feel let down.


Jim
Hmm, a couple of hints/suggestions about that would be great as I am a bit thick.
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Old 03-10-2014, 11:18 PM   #70
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Scrap. I already found a spelling mistake caused by the spell checker.

It turned "Scrying mirror" into "Crying Mirror." Damnation.

edit: Version 1.1 uploaded. Fixed a few spelling mistakes. I'm removing the EPUB/AZW3 versions; I am feeling that these cost too much work to keep updated for each little change.



My piece is eagerly awaiting your review, btw.
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Old 03-10-2014, 11:20 PM   #71
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I'm reading them now, in bed. At 3AM. I'm thinking about getting some sleep as I need to be up again at 8. Tomorrow, I'll do the reviews.
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Old 03-10-2014, 11:22 PM   #72
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I'm reading them now, in bed. At 3AM. I'm thinking about getting some sleep as I need to be up again at 8. Tomorrow, I'll do the reviews.
In that case my looong story of 5k words will surely help you sleep better.
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Old 03-10-2014, 11:25 PM   #73
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Mine is 7.8K, and I read it five times already. Could have read half a book instead... And I'm not even counting the writing. As you are awaiting my reviews, I await yours.

You don't have to point out any spelling mistakes though, until I ask for that in the end. I'll catch most of them...
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Old 03-11-2014, 12:36 AM   #74
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Mine is 7.8K, and I read it five times already. Could have read half a book instead... And I'm not even counting the writing. As you are awaiting my reviews, I await yours.

You don't have to point out any spelling mistakes though, until I ask for that in the end. I'll catch most of them...
Why did you have to write it so long? You beat me to the only record I could have. (Kidding)
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Old 03-11-2014, 01:14 AM   #75
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When My Father Died
When My Father 'Died' - v.1-6 now uploaded, thanks.
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