Silliness Terrible Jokes - Page 5

DNSB · 06-27-2023, 04:52 PM

In 2009, the Guinness Book of World records named Jonathan Lee Riches the record-holder for suing the largest number of people. Angrily declaring that the Guinness Book “has no right to publish my work, my legal masterpieces,” he sued them.

ownedbycats · 06-27-2023, 05:24 PM

What do you call a smug criminal walking down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

ownedbycats · 06-27-2023, 05:54 PM

Three vampires walk into a bar.

The first one says, "I'll have a pint of blood."

The second one says, "I'll have one, too."

The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma."

The bartender says, "So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?"

DNSB · 06-27-2023, 07:19 PM

Emily had been to school for the first time. When asked what she had learned, she sighed, hopelessly. “Nuffin’. I’ve got to go back tomorrow.”

ownedbycats · 06-28-2023, 12:30 AM

"Why did you quit your job at the bank?"

"I lost interest."

DNSB · 06-28-2023, 03:37 PM

Comment about the US: Sometimes as a Canadian, it feels like we are living in an apartment above a meth lab.

ownedbycats · 06-28-2023, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DNSB

Comment about the US: Sometimes as a Canadian, it feels like we are living in an apartment above a meth lab.

and they're trying to send their meth up here too...

ownedbycats · 06-28-2023, 03:44 PM

What job does a tree have?

Branch manager.

DNSB · 06-28-2023, 05:31 PM

Why did the turkey decide to cross the road?

To prove that he wasn’t a chicken!

ownedbycats · 06-28-2023, 06:46 PM

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

If they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.

DNSB · 06-28-2023, 07:02 PM

My IQ test results came back.

They were negative.

ownedbycats · 06-28-2023, 09:15 PM

A man orders a dozen bees, and the beekeeper scoops them into a box. When the man counts them, he finds there are 13 in the box. He tells the beekeeper, who replies, "it’s okay, it’s a freebie!"

Uncle Robin · 06-29-2023, 04:53 AM

I'm beginning to worry that I have poor decision making and impulse control skills. No matter how long and how carefully I examine choices of vacation accommodation providers, every single time, my ultimate pick turns out to be
my last resort

DNSB · 06-29-2023, 04:45 PM

The editor of a Vermont weekly sent to one Hiram Sparks a notice that his subscription had expired. The notice came back with the laconic scrawl: “So’s Hiram.”

ownedbycats · 06-29-2023, 07:12 PM

A scarecrow won an award for being outstanding in his field!

06-27-2023, 05:24 PM	#62
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 9,770 Karma: 68326525 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	What do you call a smug criminal walking down the stairs? A condescending con descending. Last edited by poohbear_nc; 06-27-2023 at 07:07 PM. Reason: typo

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06-27-2023, 04:52 PM	#61
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 41,328 Karma: 158182190 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	In 2009, the Guinness Book of World records named Jonathan Lee Riches the record-holder for suing the largest number of people. Angrily declaring that the Guinness Book “has no right to publish my work, my legal masterpieces,” he sued them.

06-27-2023, 05:54 PM	#63
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 9,770 Karma: 68326525 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have a pint of blood." The second one says, "I'll have one, too." The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma." The bartender says, "So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?"

06-27-2023, 07:19 PM	#64
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 41,328 Karma: 158182190 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Emily had been to school for the first time. When asked what she had learned, she sighed, hopelessly. “Nuffin’. I’ve got to go back tomorrow.”

06-28-2023, 12:30 AM	#65
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 9,770 Karma: 68326525 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	"Why did you quit your job at the bank?" "I lost interest."

06-28-2023, 03:37 PM	#66
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 41,328 Karma: 158182190 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Comment about the US: Sometimes as a Canadian, it feels like we are living in an apartment above a meth lab.

06-28-2023, 03:44 PM	#68
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 9,770 Karma: 68326525 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	What job does a tree have? Branch manager.

06-28-2023, 05:31 PM	#69
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 41,328 Karma: 158182190 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Why did the turkey decide to cross the road? To prove that he wasn’t a chicken!

06-28-2023, 06:46 PM	#70
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 9,770 Karma: 68326525 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.

06-28-2023, 07:02 PM	#71
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 41,328 Karma: 158182190 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	My IQ test results came back. They were negative.

06-28-2023, 09:15 PM	#72
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 9,770 Karma: 68326525 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	A man orders a dozen bees, and the beekeeper scoops them into a box. When the man counts them, he finds there are 13 in the box. He tells the beekeeper, who replies, "it’s okay, it’s a freebie!"

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06-29-2023, 04:53 AM	#73
Uncle Robin Diligent dilettante Posts: 3,508 Karma: 49052844 Join Date: Sep 2019 Location: in my mind Device: Kobo Sage; Kobo Libra H2O	I'm beginning to worry that I have poor decision making and impulse control skills. No matter how long and how carefully I examine choices of vacation accommodation providers, every single time, my ultimate pick turns out to be my last resort

06-29-2023, 04:45 PM	#74
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 41,328 Karma: 158182190 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	The editor of a Vermont weekly sent to one Hiram Sparks a notice that his subscription had expired. The notice came back with the laconic scrawl: “So’s Hiram.”

06-29-2023, 07:12 PM	#75
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 9,770 Karma: 68326525 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	A scarecrow won an award for being outstanding in his field!