01-19-2013, 07:49 AM | #5941 |
Guru
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Then I shall certainly check it out. I see Amazon has most, if not all, of Parker's books as kindles
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01-19-2013, 08:09 AM | #5942 | ||
Opsimath
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Quote:
Quote:
Stitchawl |
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01-19-2013, 08:39 AM | #5943 | |
Close to the Edit!
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Quote:
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01-19-2013, 02:54 PM | #5944 |
Illiterate
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It was COL Mustard, in the Parlor, with the lead pipe!
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01-19-2013, 11:44 PM | #5945 |
Is that a sandwich?
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Summer was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations.
She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the Summer. “We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota,” he said. “That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word,” the teacher said, “Can you tell the class how you spell that?” Little Johnny thought about it and said, “Come to think of it, she lives in Ohio.” |
01-20-2013, 07:51 AM | #5946 |
Close to the Edit!
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Did you know, that if you put a sea shell next to your ear, and listen very carefully for the sound of the sea....
You really are awfully gullible. |
01-20-2013, 08:36 AM | #5947 |
Media Bloke
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The Oil of Olay helps fight the seven signs of ageing.
I didn't know there were seven signs of ageing. I asked myself, "What might these seven signs be?" 1- you die your hair blue 2- you watch more of the ABC 3- you can't program a video recorder 4- you drive very slowly with a white bowling hat on the parcel shelf 5- you smell like moth balls 6- if you are a bloke you wear your pants up around your nipples 7- if you are a woman you wear your nipples down around your pants |
01-21-2013, 05:27 AM | #5948 |
Zealot
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TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE, SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.
~Your kids are becoming you......but your grandchildren are perfect! ~Going out is good.. Coming home is better! ~You forget names.... But it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you!!! ~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything. ~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore. ~You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed. It's called "pre-sleep". ~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch.. ~You tend to use more 4 letter words ... "what?"..."when?"... ??? ~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere. ~You notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!! ~What used to be freckles are now liver spots. ~Everybody whispers. ~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet.... 2 of which you will never wear. ~~~But Old is good in some things: Old songs, Old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!! Last edited by Figlilly; 01-21-2013 at 05:30 AM. |
01-22-2013, 01:02 AM | #5949 |
Is that a sandwich?
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The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’ A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher, she’s dead.” |
01-22-2013, 12:26 PM | #5950 |
FUBAR!
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Sorry, but I've got to ask...what the heck is a "bowling hat"...
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01-22-2013, 04:29 PM | #5951 |
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01-22-2013, 11:05 PM | #5952 |
Is that a sandwich?
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Doctor Carver was old and feeble, but he still made house calls. One afternoon he was called to the Tuttle house because Mrs. Tuttle was in terrible pain.
The doctor came out of the bedroom just moments after he’d gone in and asked Mr. Tuttle, “Do you have a hammer?” A puzzled Mr. Tuttle went to the garage, and returned with a hammer. The doctor thanked him and went back into the bedroom. A moment later, Dr. Carver came out and asked, “Do you have a chisel?” Mr. Tuttle complied with the request. In the next ten minutes, Dr. Carver asked for and received a pair of pliers, a screwdriver and a hacksaw. The last request finally got to Mr. Tuttle. He asked, “What are you doing to my wife?” “So far, not a thing.” replied old Doctor Carver. “I still haven’t gotten my instrument bag open!” |
01-23-2013, 01:13 AM | #5953 |
whimsical
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01-23-2013, 02:03 AM | #5954 |
Surfin the alpha waves ~~
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There are two types of people: those who think there are two types of people, and those who don't.
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01-23-2013, 03:59 AM | #5955 |
The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠
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This seems an appropriate point to post this one again:
There are 10 types of people in the world... Spoiler:
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