Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 391

Fbone · 01-01-2013, 02:32 PM

I had a near death experience that has changed me forever.

The other day I went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on, but was thrown off.

Just when things could not possibly get worse, my foot got caught up in the stirrup, and I fell head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder and harder, and the horse did not stop or even slow down.

Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager came out and unplugged it.

Thank God for heroes.

mores · 01-01-2013, 03:10 PM

He who has the last laugh thinks slowest.

James_Wilde · 01-01-2013, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mores

He who has the last laugh thinks slowest.

He who laughs last has thought of a dirty meaning.

issybird · 01-01-2013, 06:26 PM

orlok · 01-02-2013, 07:17 AM

A teeny bit off colour:

Spoiler:

yvanleterrible · 01-02-2013, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

A teeny bit off colour:

Spoiler:

They have a loaded semi in the garage?

MJK2111 · 01-02-2013, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

It's still a mystery that the international phonetics alphabet is not more in use unless it has to do with the size of the required keyboard...

It's not the size of the keyboard, it's how you use it...

badgoodDeb · 01-02-2013, 06:40 PM

I always wondered why the people in books said "see-ahh-oh" when they took their departure, when in real life I only ever heard people say "chow". Took me a long while to realize both were the same word - ciao.

Stitchawl · 01-02-2013, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

I always wondered why the people in books said "see-ahh-oh" when they took their departure, when in real life I only ever heard people say "chow". Took me a long while to realize both were the same word - ciao.

Just the other day I overheard two young college students talking in the International Center. The Japanese boy said his hobby was Karate, pronouncing it Kah-rah-tay. The American boy nodded and said that he practiced Koo-rahdi, and then asked what was Kah-rah-tay?

Stitchawl

steven522 · 01-02-2013, 09:06 PM

I practice cah-rot-cayk.

Stitchawl · 01-02-2013, 09:21 PM

We now have a full nation of people singing at 'Carry-O-kee' clubs... rather than kah-rah-o-keh clubs. And most of us 'Muricans' grew up thinking people drank 'sack-ee' and killed themselves by committing 'harry-carry.' (sock-eh and hara-kiri)

Stitchawl

Fbone · 01-03-2013, 03:50 AM

A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state university.

They wrote a grant proposal; got a huge chunk of money; hired a few additional sociologists, an anthropologist, and a family planning and birth control specialist; moved to town; rented offices; set up their computers; got squared away; and began designing their questionnaires and such.

While the staff was busy getting ready for their big research effort, the project director decided to go to the local drugstore for a cup of coffee. He sat down at the counter, ordered his coffee, and while he was drinking it, he told the druggist what his purpose was in town, then asked him if he had any idea why the birth rate was so high.

“Sure,” said the druggist. “Every morning the train comes through at 5:30, blows its horn for the crossing and wakes everybody up. It seems that 5:30 is too late to go back to sleep, and it’s too early to get up.”

James_Wilde · 01-03-2013, 08:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

I always wondered why the people in books said "see-ahh-oh" when they took their departure, when in real life I only ever heard people say "chow". Took me a long while to realize both were the same word - ciao.

Do you mean that people actually write see-ahh-oh in books to mean ciao, Deb? Or am I missing something?

badgoodDeb · 01-03-2013, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by James_Wilde

Do you mean that people actually write see-ahh-oh in books to mean ciao, Deb? Or am I missing something?

No, they wrote "ciao". But I was sure it was said "see-ahh-oh" since there already WAS a word spelled "chow" and pronounced "chow".

Fbone · 01-03-2013, 08:28 PM

You’re having a bad day when ...

your horn sticks on the freeway while you are behind 32 Hell’s Angels.

01-02-2013, 07:17 AM	#5855
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	A teeny bit off colour: Spoiler: "Have you ever seen a twenty pound note all crumpled up?" asked the wife. "No," I said. She gave me a sexy little smile, reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note. "Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she asked. "No," I said. She gave me another sexy little smile, reached into her knickers and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note. "Now," she said, "have you ever seen 30,000 pounds all crumpled up?" "No," I said, intrigued. "Well, go and take a quick look in the garage." Last edited by orlok; 01-02-2013 at 07:20 AM.

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01-01-2013, 02:32 PM	#5851
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,230 Karma: 101696762 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I had a near death experience that has changed me forever. The other day I went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, my foot got caught up in the stirrup, and I fell head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder and harder, and the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager came out and unplugged it. Thank God for heroes.

01-01-2013, 03:10 PM	#5852
mores Guru Posts: 834 Karma: 102419 Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Vienna, Austria Device: iPhone	He who has the last laugh thinks slowest.

01-01-2013, 06:26 PM	#5854
issybird o saeclum infacetum Posts: 20,652 Karma: 225870683 Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: New England Device: H2O, Aura One, PW5

01-02-2013, 06:40 PM	#5858
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,515 Karma: 64095689 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	I always wondered why the people in books said "see-ahh-oh" when they took their departure, when in real life I only ever heard people say "chow". Took me a long while to realize both were the same word - ciao.

01-02-2013, 09:06 PM	#5860
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 1,061 Karma: 25222222 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	I practice cah-rot-cayk.

01-02-2013, 09:21 PM	#5861
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	We now have a full nation of people singing at 'Carry-O-kee' clubs... rather than kah-rah-o-keh clubs. And most of us 'Muricans' grew up thinking people drank 'sack-ee' and killed themselves by committing 'harry-carry.' (sock-eh and hara-kiri) Stitchawl

01-03-2013, 03:50 AM	#5862
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,230 Karma: 101696762 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state university. They wrote a grant proposal; got a huge chunk of money; hired a few additional sociologists, an anthropologist, and a family planning and birth control specialist; moved to town; rented offices; set up their computers; got squared away; and began designing their questionnaires and such. While the staff was busy getting ready for their big research effort, the project director decided to go to the local drugstore for a cup of coffee. He sat down at the counter, ordered his coffee, and while he was drinking it, he told the druggist what his purpose was in town, then asked him if he had any idea why the birth rate was so high. “Sure,” said the druggist. “Every morning the train comes through at 5:30, blows its horn for the crossing and wakes everybody up. It seems that 5:30 is too late to go back to sleep, and it’s too early to get up.”

01-03-2013, 08:28 PM	#5865
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,230 Karma: 101696762 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	You’re having a bad day when ... your horn sticks on the freeway while you are behind 32 Hell’s Angels.