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#5536 |
Not scared!
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Karma: 81011643
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midlands, UK
Device: Kindle Paperwhite 10, Huawei M5 10
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With Hurricane Sandy on the way, I e-mailed my brother in New York to see if he was OK.
He replied: "It's really bad now; the kids seem really worried. They've been just standing there staring through the window for hours. If it gets much worse, we'll have to let them in." |
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#5537 |
Bah, humbug!
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Karma: 157049943
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA
Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.
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Ha! Stolen and adapted for Facebook, replacing "the kids" with "my grandson"!
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#5538 |
Is that a sandwich?
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Karma: 101696762
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Nook Glowlight Plus
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Why does a man twist his wedding ring on his finger?
He's trying to figure out the combination! |
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#5539 |
Author
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Karma: 5447804
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: New Zealand
Device: Samsung Galaxy Tab
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If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
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#5540 |
Guru
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Karma: 15752887
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Norway
Device: Ipad, kindle paperwhite
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I just figured it was time for some Victor Borge humour in this thread
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#5541 |
Guru
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Karma: 5565888
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Townsend, WI
Device: Palm TX, PRS-505 (BLUE)
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Oh that is funny! I haven't heard him in years.
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#5542 |
Bah, humbug!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 39,072
Karma: 157049943
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA
Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.
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Yes. I knew what was coming and still laughed.
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#5543 |
秋子 permanently lurking
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Karma: 6587575
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Europe
Device: Oasis 3, Pocketbook Era
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World War II.
A young Polish priest falls into a trap set by Germans. A young German soldier aims right at him, about to shoot. Suddenly a ray of light beams from the clouds and a loud voice says: "Spare him, he will become the next Pope" Young German soldier, terrified, falls to his knees and asks in a trembing voice: "And what will happen to me?" "You? You will be the next one after him" |
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#5544 |
not "it"
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Karma: 1687996
Join Date: Aug 2012
Device: Kindle 7th gen
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silly joke from my biscuit wrapper, but it made me smile:
What is a penguin's favourite pudding? jelly fish. ![]() |
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#5545 |
Reading and reading
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Karma: 8250144
Join Date: Oct 2010
Device: Infibeam Pi, iPod Touch 4G, iPad Air 2, iPad mini 2, Oneplus One
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A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle, and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles. Meanwhile, granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice,"Easy, William, we won't be long. Easy, boy." Another outburst and she hears the grandfather calmly say, "It's okay William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy." At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart and granddad says again in a very controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five short minutes; stay cool, William." Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it.
That whole time, you kept your composure and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa." "Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William. The little brat's name is Kevin." Last edited by Nexutix; 10-31-2012 at 10:00 AM. |
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#5546 |
Bah, humbug!
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 39,072
Karma: 157049943
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA
Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.
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Not really a joke, but I wanted to share with you all what I said to my wife a few minutes ago.
She came into the house quietly and sneaked up behind me as I was at the kitchen sink and grabbed the old buns and started fondling them. Without turning around, I said, "Cut it out. My wife will be home for lunch any minute." ![]() |
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#5547 |
Reborn Paper User
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Karma: 15446734
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Que Nada
Device: iPhone8, iPad Air
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Word from a disgruntled old guru: "Whatever the color of your eyes the third eye is always brown."
Last edited by yvanleterrible; 10-31-2012 at 07:47 PM. |
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#5548 |
Guru
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Karma: 15752887
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Norway
Device: Ipad, kindle paperwhite
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I watched this video and was about an inch from dying of laughter. It's hillarious ![]() If I had had a bad constitution, I too might have sung my "die aria"* by now *Watch the video and you will understand the die aria part |
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#5549 |
MaxPuppy Rules
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Karma: 31670648
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: NW Oregon
Device: Kindle Fire 8.9 HDX Kindle 3, Kindle Fire, Kindle Fire HD, Acer A200
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The wife left a note on the fridge "It's not working, I can't take it anymore!! Gone to stay with my Mother"
I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold.........What the hell is she talking about? |
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#5550 |
Close to the Edit!
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Karma: 267994408
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: UK
Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"
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I walked into the boss's office and handed him a pear. He asked, "What's this for?"
"A pay rise. My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you." |
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