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#31 |
Bibliophagist
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
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You’re poaching all my best yolks!
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#32 |
Custom User Title
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Karma: 62844063
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
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A circus performer is pulled over for having a broken light, and the police officer asks about the collection of knives in the backseat.
"They're for my juggling act, sir," the performer says. The officer asks him to prove it, so the performer gets out of the car and starts juggling knives. Just then, two people pass by. "Wow," one of them says. "I'm glad I stopped drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard." |
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#33 |
Bibliophagist
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Karma: 152905840
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
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Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were Prime mates.
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#34 |
Custom User Title
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Karma: 62844063
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
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A chemist froze himself to -273.15 °C. Everyone said he was crazy. I said he was 0K.
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#35 |
Bibliophagist
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Karma: 152905840
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
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A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog is thrilled! “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?” “No,” says his advisor, “in her biology class.” |
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#37 |
Custom User Title
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Karma: 62844063
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
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How do you throw a party on Mars?
First you have to planet. |
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#38 |
Bibliophagist
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Karma: 152905840
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
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Q. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?
A. "I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions." |
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#39 |
Custom User Title
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Karma: 62844063
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
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Have you heard of the new band called 999 Megabytes? They still haven't gotten a gig.
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#40 |
Bibliophagist
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Karma: 152905840
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
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“Your mother has been with us for 20 years,” said John. “Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?”
“My mother?” replied Helen. “I thought she was your mother.” |
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#41 |
Custom User Title
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
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What do you call a cat wrapped in a tortilla?
A purr-ito. |
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#42 |
Bibliophagist
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Karma: 152905840
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
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A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.” “Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?” |
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#43 |
Custom User Title
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Karma: 62844063
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
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A snake walks into a bar.
The bartender says "how'd you do that?" |
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#44 |
Custom User Title
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Karma: 62844063
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
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How do you generate a random string?
Put a Windows user in front of vi, and tell them to exit. |
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#45 |
Now what?
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Karma: 135181808
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Durham, NC
Device: Every Kindle Ever Made & To Be Made!
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Tags |
awful sense of humour, dad jokes, silliness |
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