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#16 |
Bibliophagist
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Karma: 153006036
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
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My boss told me to have a good day… so I went home.
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#17 |
Custom User Title
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Karma: 62872491
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
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#18 |
Bibliophagist
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Karma: 153006036
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
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A man goes to the doctor, concerned about his wife's hearing. The doctor says, "Stand behind her and say something and tell me how close you are when she hears you." The man goes home, sees his wife in the kitchen, cutting carrots on the countertop. About 15 feet away he says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Nothing. He gets halfway to her and repeats the same question. Nothing. Very concerned, he gets right behind her and asks again "What's for dinner?" She turns around and says "For the THIRD time, beef stew!"
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#19 |
Custom User Title
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Karma: 62872491
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
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A doctor's receptionist says "Doctor, there's a patient who says he's invisible."
The doctor responds, "Tell him I can't see him right now." |
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#20 |
Bibliophagist
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Karma: 153006036
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
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I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their internet connection. The husband called out to his wife in the other room for the computer password. “Start with a capital S, then 123,” she shouted back.
We tried “S123” several times, but it didn’t work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, “I really don’t see what’s so difficult about typing Start123.” |
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#21 |
Custom User Title
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Karma: 62872491
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
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"Doctor, everyone is ignoring me!"
"Next, please!" |
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#22 |
Bibliophagist
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Karma: 153006036
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
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“Did you hear what happened to Mel?” one friend said to another. “He was seeing his doctor for six months because of chest pains and shortness of breath. Last week, he dropped dead from cancer.”
“That’s terrible,” says the other friend. “Well, I told him a hundred times to go see my doctor.” “Is he any good?” “Good? He’s the best! If he treats you for heart problems … you’ll die of heart problems.” |
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#23 |
Custom User Title
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Karma: 62872491
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
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Why do all astronauts use a Mac?
Because it's dangerous to open windows in space. |
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#24 |
Custom User Title
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Karma: 62872491
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
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I asked Siri, "Surely it's not going to rain today?"
Siri said "Yes, it is, and don't call me Shirley." I'd left my phone on Airplane mode. |
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#25 |
Captain Penguin
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Karma: 2077653593
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Vancouver, BC
Device: Kobo Libra 2, Nook Glowlight
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A neutron enters a bar and asks "how much for a beer?"
The bartender replies "for you, no charge". |
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#26 |
Bibliophagist
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Karma: 153006036
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
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A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender asks the rabbit, "What'll you have?" The rabbit says, "Dunno, I'm only here because of Autocorrect." |
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#27 |
Custom User Title
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Karma: 62872491
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
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My friend called me while I was being robbed at gunpoint.
I told them I was a bit held up at the moment. |
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#28 |
Bibliophagist
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Karma: 153006036
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
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An attorney once drafted wills for an elderly husband and wife who had been somewhat apprehensive about discussing death. When they arrived to sign the documents, he ushered the couple into his office.
"Now," he said to them, "which one of you wants to go first?" |
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#29 |
Grand Sorcerer
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Karma: 99236514
Join Date: Apr 2011
Device: pb360
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Why did the restaurant serve eggs Benedict on a chromed dish?
Spoiler:
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#30 |
Custom User Title
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Karma: 62872491
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
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What chord do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor. |
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Tags |
awful sense of humour, dad jokes, not always terrible, silliness |
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