Unutterably Silly Terrible Jokes

[DNSB]

If you don't watch a series entirely, you are not a true fan.
If you do watch a series entirely, you are not a true fan
You are only a true fan if you:

• are powered by electricity
• have multiple blades
• spin around very fast.

[ownedbycats]

There will be a point in time when Canada will take over the world, and then you will all be sorry.

[DNSB]

Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “Call me George.”

[ownedbycats]

There are 10 kinds of people: Those who understand binary and those who don't.

[DNSB]

What’s a buck’s least favourite sandwich bread? Sour doe.

[Sumanuil]

William Shakespeare walks into a pub.

The landlord tells him, "Oi mate! You're Bard!"

[DNSB]

What is a fawn’s favourite game at a sleepover? Truth or deer.

[DNSB]

If a cow doesn't produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?

[DNSB]

My kids bought a dog from a blacksmith the other day...

As soon as they got him home, he made a bolt for the door!

[ownedbycats]

A woman is shopping in an antique parlor when she sees a cat drinking out of a porcelain dish. Looking closer, she realizes the dish is of an old and quite valuable manufacture. Thinking she might get a real bargain if she can just be subtle enough, she asks the elderly shopkeeper if she could buy the cat.

“Certainly, Ma’am,” the proprietor replies. “For twenty dollars, the cat is all yours.”

As the woman casually takes the twenty out of her purse and hands it over, she says, “I notice my new cat seems to like that old saucer. How about I give you an extra dollar for it?”

“Oh, no, Ma’am!” the old lady replied. “That’s a lucky saucer; I’ve sold six cats off it so far.”

[ownedbycats]

Just be glad that it's not snowing. Imagine shoveling snow in this heat!

[DNSB]

A man was walking home alone one night when he heard a "BUMP....BUMP....BUMP..." behind him. Walking faster, he looked back, making out an image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him.

The man began to run toward his home, and the coffin bounced after him faster....faster...

He ran up to his door, fumbled with his keys, opened the door, rushed in, and locked it behind him. The coffin crashed through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping on the heals of the terrified man. The man rushed upstairs to the bathroom and locked himself in, heart pounding.

With a CRASH, the coffin broke down the door, coming slowly toward him. The man while screaming, reached for something, anything....all he can find was a box of cough drops which he hurled at the coffin...and suddenly the coffin stops.

[DNSB]

The first five days after the weekend are the hardest.

[ownedbycats]

A pastor, an imam, and a rabbit decide to donate blood.

The pastor comes out and says, "They tested it and told me I’m A positive."

The imam follows up with, "Interesting! I found out I’m AB negative."

The rabbit looks at the two of them and says, "Pretty sure I’m a type O."

[DNSB]

That definitely qualified as cruel and unusual PUNishment.

Before I became a dad, I was terrified I wouldn't know how to be a good one. Oddly enough, it turns out, it's in my blood - I come from a long line of fathers.