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#436 |
0000000000101010
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Karma: 11226897
Join Date: Mar 2023
Location: An island off the coast of Ireland
Device: PB632 [HD3]
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How does the wrestler "The Rock" go to the toilet? He Dwaynes his Johnson.
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#437 |
Bibliophagist
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Karma: 152905876
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
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A vacationing penguin is driving his through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station. The mechanic looks up and says “Looks like you blew a seal.” “No no,” the penguin replies, “it’s just ice cream.” |
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#438 |
Bibliophagist
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Karma: 152905876
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
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Why do people love Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus. Unlike Canada’s, which I could take or leaf.
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#439 |
Custom User Title
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Karma: 62872439
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
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"What are your dog's names?"
"Calvin and Klein." "Isn't that a brand of underwear?" "They're Boxers." |
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#440 |
Bibliophagist
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Karma: 152905876
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
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A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?
"The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field. " "You must be in IT", says the balloonist. "I am", replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well", says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone!" The man below says, "You must be in management." "I am", replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault." |
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#441 | |
Custom User Title
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Karma: 62872439
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
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Quote:
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#442 |
Bibliophagist
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Karma: 152905876
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
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How can you tell when they are monitoring your computer?
The power is on and you’re connected to the internet. |
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#443 |
0000000000101010
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Karma: 11226897
Join Date: Mar 2023
Location: An island off the coast of Ireland
Device: PB632 [HD3]
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Dogs can't operate MRI machines. But catscan.
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#444 |
Bibliophagist
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Karma: 152905876
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
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Today I opened a new online account, I always use the same password: "cabbage". It's easy to remember. But it seems the computer had other plans...
Please enter your new password: "cabbage" Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. "boiled cabbage" Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. "1 boiled cabbage" Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. "50bloodyboiledcabbages" Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. "50BLOODYboiledcabbages" Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. "50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArse,IfYouDon't GiveMeAccessnow” Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. “ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYour ArseIfYouDontGiveMeAccessnow” Sorry, that password is already in use! Last edited by DNSB; 07-20-2024 at 01:08 PM. |
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#445 |
Grand Sorcerer
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Karma: 99236514
Join Date: Apr 2011
Device: pb360
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Wasn't the least bit funny until the punch line, at which point it became hillarious. (But a little disapointed that a complaint about "too long" wasn't present.)
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#446 |
Bibliophagist
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Karma: 152905876
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
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One Saturday morning at three,
A cheesemonger's shop in Paree, Collapsed to the ground, With a thunderous sound, Leaving only a pile of de brie. |
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#447 |
Custom User Title
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Karma: 62872439
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
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Have you ever heard the rumours about butter?
Don't worry, I'm not going to spread it. |
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#448 |
Bibliophagist
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Karma: 152905876
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
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A lady helps her husband to set up a new laptop.
Once it is completed, she tells him to select a password, selecting a word that he'll always remember. As the computer asks him to enter it, he looks at his wife and with a macho gesture and a wink in his eye, he types "mypenis". As he hits "enter" to validate the selection, his wife collapses with laughter and rolls on the floor in hysterics. The laptop had replied: TOO SHORT - ACCESS DENIED! |
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#449 |
Custom User Title
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Karma: 62872439
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Canada
Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD
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"Do you want to hear a joke about a parking ticket?"
"No." "Fine." |
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#450 |
Bibliophagist
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Posts: 38,692
Karma: 152905876
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Vancouver
Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos
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How do you measure the quality of my puns? A sighsmograph!
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Tags |
awful sense of humour, dad jokes, not always terrible, silliness |
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