Silliness Terrible Jokes - Page 29

neil_swann80 · 06-07-2024, 06:44 AM

I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

ownedbycats · 06-07-2024, 07:06 AM

I was relieved to find out the only damage to my time machine was to the wires.

Now all I have to do is find someone in ancient Mesopotamia to sell me some quality copper.

DNSB · 06-07-2024, 06:43 PM

"Microsoft Technical support; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with my computer."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along in Word, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in Word, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
....."Yes, I think so."
"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
....."Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
....."Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach it."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes. I keep them in the closet."
"Good! Go get them and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really! Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

neil_swann80 · 06-08-2024, 03:54 AM

Reminds me of my time manning phones at an IT support desk.

The amount of times I asked "what version of Windows are you running?" to be answered with "Microsoft Office" or "Microsoft Word". Sometimes "Microwave Word".

Another great answer to "What web browser are you using?" besides silence, or "what's a web browser" was "Mozzarella Firefox".

DNSB · 06-08-2024, 05:05 PM

I went to the library asked for books about turtles.
Librarian: "Hardbacks?"
Me: "Yes, with little heads"

ownedbycats · 06-09-2024, 07:04 AM

To kill a French vampire, you need to drive a baguette through their heart.

It may sound easy, but the process is painstaking.

DNSB · 06-09-2024, 04:18 PM

Why do the French eat snails?

They don’t like fast food.

ownedbycats · 06-14-2024, 08:11 AM

I have an irrational fear of speed bumps. Don't worry, I'm slowly getting over it.

DNSB · 06-14-2024, 02:56 PM

How do you make a water bed bouncier?
Add spring water.

ownedbycats · 06-17-2024, 09:02 PM

This is not a drill. Repeat, this is NOT a drill. This is a chainsaw.

DNSB · 06-18-2024, 12:46 AM

I wanted to become a marsupial but I was not koala-fied.

neil_swann80 · 06-18-2024, 01:07 AM

Why did the banana go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.

*That has to be up there for most terrible surely?*

DNSB · 06-18-2024, 06:39 PM

Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind… it’s tearable.

@neil_swann80: By this threads standards? It's barely a contender.

ownedbycats · 06-20-2024, 07:36 PM

What do you call a cat wrapped in a tortilla roll?

A purrito.

DNSB · 06-21-2024, 02:34 PM

Did you know deer can jump higher than the average house? It’s because of their strong hind legs and the fact that the average house can’t jump.

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06-07-2024, 06:44 AM	#421
neil_swann80 0000000000101010 Posts: 5,724 Karma: 11482159 Join Date: Mar 2023 Location: An island off the coast of Ireland Device: PB632 [HD3]	I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

06-07-2024, 07:06 AM	#422
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 9,547 Karma: 64960981 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	I was relieved to find out the only damage to my time machine was to the wires. Now all I have to do is find someone in ancient Mesopotamia to sell me some quality copper.

06-07-2024, 06:43 PM	#423
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 40,549 Karma: 157444380 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	"Microsoft Technical support; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with my computer." "What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along in Word, and all of a sudden the words went away." "Went away?" "They disappeared." "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing." "Nothing?" "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." "Are you still in Word, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?" "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?" "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type." "Does your monitor have a power indicator?" "What's a monitor?" "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?" "I don't know." "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" ....."Yes, I think so." "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall." ....."Yes, it is." "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" "No." "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." ....."Okay, here it is." "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." "I can't reach it." "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" "No." "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?" "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark." "Dark?" "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." "Well, turn on the office light then." "I can't." "No? Why not?" "Because there's a power outage." "A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" "Well, yes. I keep them in the closet." "Good! Go get them and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." "Really! Is it that bad?" "Yes, I'm afraid it is." "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

06-08-2024, 03:54 AM	#424
neil_swann80 0000000000101010 Posts: 5,724 Karma: 11482159 Join Date: Mar 2023 Location: An island off the coast of Ireland Device: PB632 [HD3]	Reminds me of my time manning phones at an IT support desk. The amount of times I asked "what version of Windows are you running?" to be answered with "Microsoft Office" or "Microsoft Word". Sometimes "Microwave Word". Another great answer to "What web browser are you using?" besides silence, or "what's a web browser" was "Mozzarella Firefox".

06-08-2024, 05:05 PM	#425
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 40,549 Karma: 157444380 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	I went to the library asked for books about turtles. Librarian: "Hardbacks?" Me: "Yes, with little heads"

06-09-2024, 07:04 AM	#426
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 9,547 Karma: 64960981 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	To kill a French vampire, you need to drive a baguette through their heart. It may sound easy, but the process is painstaking.

06-09-2024, 04:18 PM	#427
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 40,549 Karma: 157444380 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Why do the French eat snails? They don’t like fast food.

06-14-2024, 08:11 AM	#428
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 9,547 Karma: 64960981 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	I have an irrational fear of speed bumps. Don't worry, I'm slowly getting over it.

06-14-2024, 02:56 PM	#429
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 40,549 Karma: 157444380 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	How do you make a water bed bouncier? Add spring water.

06-17-2024, 09:02 PM	#430
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 9,547 Karma: 64960981 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	This is not a drill. Repeat, this is NOT a drill. This is a chainsaw.

06-18-2024, 12:46 AM	#431
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 40,549 Karma: 157444380 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	I wanted to become a marsupial but I was not koala-fied.

06-18-2024, 01:07 AM	#432
neil_swann80 0000000000101010 Posts: 5,724 Karma: 11482159 Join Date: Mar 2023 Location: An island off the coast of Ireland Device: PB632 [HD3]	Why did the banana go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well. That has to be up there for most terrible surely?

06-18-2024, 06:39 PM	#433
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 40,549 Karma: 157444380 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind… it’s tearable. @neil_swann80: By this threads standards? It's barely a contender.

06-20-2024, 07:36 PM	#434
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 9,547 Karma: 64960981 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	What do you call a cat wrapped in a tortilla roll? A purrito.

06-21-2024, 02:34 PM	#435
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 40,549 Karma: 157444380 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Did you know deer can jump higher than the average house? It’s because of their strong hind legs and the fact that the average house can’t jump.