10-29-2012, 02:37 PM | #5536 |
Not scared!
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With Hurricane Sandy on the way, I e-mailed my brother in New York to see if he was OK.
He replied: "It's really bad now; the kids seem really worried. They've been just standing there staring through the window for hours. If it gets much worse, we'll have to let them in." |
10-29-2012, 03:02 PM | #5537 |
Bah, humbug!
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Ha! Stolen and adapted for Facebook, replacing "the kids" with "my grandson"!
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10-29-2012, 07:04 PM | #5538 |
Is that a sandwich?
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Why does a man twist his wedding ring on his finger?
He's trying to figure out the combination! |
10-29-2012, 09:31 PM | #5539 |
Author
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If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
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10-29-2012, 09:39 PM | #5540 |
Guru
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I just figured it was time for some Victor Borge humour in this thread
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10-29-2012, 11:01 PM | #5541 |
Guru
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Oh that is funny! I haven't heard him in years.
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10-29-2012, 11:37 PM | #5542 |
Bah, humbug!
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Yes. I knew what was coming and still laughed.
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10-30-2012, 04:47 AM | #5543 |
秋子 permanently lurking
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World War II.
A young Polish priest falls into a trap set by Germans. A young German soldier aims right at him, about to shoot. Suddenly a ray of light beams from the clouds and a loud voice says: "Spare him, he will become the next Pope" Young German soldier, terrified, falls to his knees and asks in a trembing voice: "And what will happen to me?" "You? You will be the next one after him" |
10-30-2012, 04:24 PM | #5544 |
not "it"
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silly joke from my biscuit wrapper, but it made me smile:
What is a penguin's favourite pudding? jelly fish. |
10-31-2012, 09:56 AM | #5545 |
Reading and reading
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A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle, and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles. Meanwhile, granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice,"Easy, William, we won't be long. Easy, boy." Another outburst and she hears the grandfather calmly say, "It's okay William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy." At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart and granddad says again in a very controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five short minutes; stay cool, William." Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it.
That whole time, you kept your composure and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa." "Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William. The little brat's name is Kevin." Last edited by Nexutix; 10-31-2012 at 10:00 AM. |
10-31-2012, 02:16 PM | #5546 |
Bah, humbug!
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Not really a joke, but I wanted to share with you all what I said to my wife a few minutes ago.
She came into the house quietly and sneaked up behind me as I was at the kitchen sink and grabbed the old buns and started fondling them. Without turning around, I said, "Cut it out. My wife will be home for lunch any minute." |
10-31-2012, 05:56 PM | #5547 |
Reborn Paper User
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Word from a disgruntled old guru: "Whatever the color of your eyes the third eye is always brown."
Last edited by yvanleterrible; 10-31-2012 at 07:47 PM. |
10-31-2012, 11:18 PM | #5548 |
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I watched this video and was about an inch from dying of laughter. It's hillarious If I had had a bad constitution, I too might have sung my "die aria"* by now *Watch the video and you will understand the die aria part |
11-01-2012, 10:08 AM | #5549 |
MaxPuppy Rules
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The wife left a note on the fridge "It's not working, I can't take it anymore!! Gone to stay with my Mother"
I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold.........What the hell is she talking about? |
11-02-2012, 05:39 AM | #5550 |
Close to the Edit!
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I walked into the boss's office and handed him a pear. He asked, "What's this for?"
"A pay rise. My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you." |
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