Silliness Terrible Jokes - Page 9

ownedbycats · 07-22-2023, 07:34 PM

Cheating on your spouse in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

DNSB · 07-22-2023, 09:20 PM

My wife knows I’ve been cheating.
She found the letters that I’ve been hiding around the house.
She says she is upset. She says she is angry. She feels disappointed, let down and hurt.
She’s lost trust and doesn’t know how we can get past it.
Worst of all though, she says she doesn’t know if she can ever play Scrabble with me again.

ownedbycats · 07-22-2023, 11:07 PM

Why eggs don’t tell jokes to each other?

Because they might crack each other up.

DNSB · 07-23-2023, 02:20 PM

What's an egg's least favourite day of the week?

Fry-day!

Comfy.n · 07-23-2023, 02:25 PM

What do you call an egg that can play the guitar?

An "egg-strordinary" musician

afv011 · 07-23-2023, 05:18 PM

Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I hurt everywhere! When I touch my nose -aaaaahh- it hurts, when I touch my elbow -aaaah- it hurts, when I touch my tummy -aaaaah- it hurts, when I touch my knee -aaaaah- it hurts! What do I have, doctor???"

Doctor: "A broken finger"

DNSB · 07-23-2023, 08:31 PM

A man returned to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.

“This is your doctor. We’ve got the results back from your tests, and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus that is extremely contagious!” “Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, Doctor?” “Well, we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and quesadillas.” “Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, “No… but it’s the only food we can get under the door.”

ownedbycats · 07-23-2023, 10:41 PM

Why do vampires always bite their loved ones on the neck?

They're neck romancers.

DNSB · 07-24-2023, 12:23 PM

Max has been working for over 30 years for the same small company. He had never been late once. One day he shows up for work two hours late with blood running from his lip and nose. His clothes are a mess, he's limping terribly, and looks to be in a lot of pain.

The boss asks him, "So Max, why are you late?"

Max breathlessly answers, "As I was going down the stairs at my subway station, two men attacked me. The beat me severely, stole my money, and pushed me down the stairs"

The boss replies, "And that took two hours?"

ownedbycats · 07-24-2023, 12:33 PM

Someone just stole my thesaurus. I have no words to describe how I feel.

afv011 · 07-24-2023, 01:42 PM

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh.

DNSB · 07-24-2023, 05:19 PM

A Covid test nurse asked me if I’ve had a sudden loss of taste.
I told her, "No, I've dressed like this for quite a while."

afv011 · 07-24-2023, 08:18 PM

- What do we want?
- A TIME MACHINE!!!
- When do we want it?
- IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!

DNSB · 07-24-2023, 10:46 PM

I've got a device to fetch futuristic herbs.

It's called a thyme machine.

ownedbycats · 07-24-2023, 10:47 PM

I've heard one country is considering switching their locomotives to bio-fuel. If they do, they can make the trains run on thyme!

07-22-2023, 09:20 PM	#122
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 36,218 Karma: 145735388 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	My wife knows I’ve been cheating. She found the letters that I’ve been hiding around the house. She says she is upset. She says she is angry. She feels disappointed, let down and hurt. She’s lost trust and doesn’t know how we can get past it. Worst of all though, she says she doesn’t know if she can ever play Scrabble with me again. Last edited by DNSB; 07-23-2023 at 02:18 PM.

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07-22-2023, 07:34 PM	#121
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 8,753 Karma: 62032371 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	Cheating on your spouse in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

07-22-2023, 11:07 PM	#123
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 8,753 Karma: 62032371 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	Why eggs don’t tell jokes to each other? Because they might crack each other up.

07-23-2023, 02:20 PM	#124
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 36,218 Karma: 145735388 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	What's an egg's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!

07-23-2023, 02:25 PM	#125
Comfy.n want to learn what I want Posts: 1,039 Karma: 6422750 Join Date: Sep 2020 Device: Calibre E-book viewer	What do you call an egg that can play the guitar? An "egg-strordinary" musician

07-23-2023, 05:18 PM	#126
afv011 Captain Penguin Posts: 2,947 Karma: 2077653593 Join Date: May 2009 Location: Vancouver, BC Device: Kobo Libra 2, Nook Glowlight	Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I hurt everywhere! When I touch my nose -aaaaahh- it hurts, when I touch my elbow -aaaah- it hurts, when I touch my tummy -aaaaah- it hurts, when I touch my knee -aaaaah- it hurts! What do I have, doctor???" Doctor: "A broken finger"

07-23-2023, 08:31 PM	#127
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 36,218 Karma: 145735388 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A man returned to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your doctor. We’ve got the results back from your tests, and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus that is extremely contagious!” “Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, Doctor?” “Well, we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and quesadillas.” “Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, “No… but it’s the only food we can get under the door.”

07-23-2023, 10:41 PM	#128
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 8,753 Karma: 62032371 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	Why do vampires always bite their loved ones on the neck? They're neck romancers.

07-24-2023, 12:23 PM	#129
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 36,218 Karma: 145735388 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Max has been working for over 30 years for the same small company. He had never been late once. One day he shows up for work two hours late with blood running from his lip and nose. His clothes are a mess, he's limping terribly, and looks to be in a lot of pain. The boss asks him, "So Max, why are you late?" Max breathlessly answers, "As I was going down the stairs at my subway station, two men attacked me. The beat me severely, stole my money, and pushed me down the stairs" The boss replies, "And that took two hours?"

07-24-2023, 12:33 PM	#130
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 8,753 Karma: 62032371 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	Someone just stole my thesaurus. I have no words to describe how I feel.

07-24-2023, 01:42 PM	#131
afv011 Captain Penguin Posts: 2,947 Karma: 2077653593 Join Date: May 2009 Location: Vancouver, BC Device: Kobo Libra 2, Nook Glowlight	What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.

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07-24-2023, 05:19 PM	#132
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 36,218 Karma: 145735388 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A Covid test nurse asked me if I’ve had a sudden loss of taste. I told her, "No, I've dressed like this for quite a while."

07-24-2023, 08:18 PM	#133
afv011 Captain Penguin Posts: 2,947 Karma: 2077653593 Join Date: May 2009 Location: Vancouver, BC Device: Kobo Libra 2, Nook Glowlight	- What do we want? - A TIME MACHINE!!! - When do we want it? - IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!

07-24-2023, 10:46 PM	#134
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 36,218 Karma: 145735388 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	I've got a device to fetch futuristic herbs. It's called a thyme machine.

07-24-2023, 10:47 PM	#135
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 8,753 Karma: 62032371 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	I've heard one country is considering switching their locomotives to bio-fuel. If they do, they can make the trains run on thyme!